Its getting hard...

Finished duty today.

Oh god. Its getting hard.

Gym sessions are fine. I'm actually enjoying it haha. As compared to jogging cos it gets boring after like 2 times. But in gyms i actually know what to do. Sort of have short term aims each time. Unlike running which is just aimlessly running.

Why issit getting hard?

Eating close to tasteless food everyday. Feeling full of gas the entire day. Recurrent burping and farting. Paranoid about every single thing that enters my mouth. Paranoid about what to do the day after. No much results after 1 and a half weeks. Damn.

I can't even drink a cup of coffee with peace now.

An endless battle within the confines of my skull rages throughout the day.

"Coffee is full of sugar! Sugar = Carbo! Carbo = Calories!"

Damn.

Wanted to give up today. Stood up suddenly and dragged Abhilash to emart.

I bought a time out bar(Chocolate) and started munching on it. Decided there and then that enough is enough. I shall not torture myself this way.

A person is born to this world to enjoy and appreciate everything around him.

Food is not to be feared. Its to be eaten in pleasure.

I don't care if i grow fat and die.

We die eventually.

Why should we subject ourselves to such pain!? We should just eat everything and anything we want! We only get to live this once!

That was pretty much in my head from 12pm. Till around 3pm.

Wanted to tell my mum that i want to give up. But then, I guess sometimes i just need a break.

Throughout the day i was quite annoyed and frustrated about everything.

Had rice for the 1st time in 1 and a half weeks. Honestly i thought i missed it. But on the contrary, lol didn't feel anything.

Now i'm motivated once again, lol to try again. Like lock said, i barely even started.

But then i guess my meals were a bit too hard-cored. I was too strict on myself. I was following a meal plan made for body builders. I'm a chunk of meat. Fatty Meat. I need to give myself some time before i adapt.

Its like smoking. It takes time to quit. Not that i'm quitting. lol. But i've decided to review my meal plans again. Maybe allowing some breathing space for myself here and there.

Decided to go with preparing 3 meals tomorrow.

1st meal: Cereal

2nd meal: Boiled Brocoli with some meat.

3rd meal: SFI. if not, then probably Another serving of brocoli.

4th meal: Sandwich. Gonna make it in camp since my loaf of wholemeal bread is there. Using the veg from the salad i'm bringing.

5th meal: Salad.

6th meal: Whatever mom's gonna cook.

After that, i'm hitting saturday. Gonna have steamboat =D and dinner with anna and gang. and then COFFEE!

Hmm on more casual note, I've got a couple of things i need to do over this weekend.

1. Wash my bag. Its smells of spinach now.

2. Buy a new case for my ipod. It smells of sweat now.

3. Buy quinoa. Sort of like a rice substitute.

4. Buy strings for my guitar. Don't like how it sounds now.

5. Make a new vinaigrette and also grind my flaxxseed. As well as finding fenugrade seeds.

Duty-ing on Sunday. And i have no idea how long i can last.

Oh. One reason why i was very frustrated was because my weight was stagnant for a while.

Then no results and i'm doing so much. Sadded.

Ah Kee said my chin looks sharper lol. I assumed he's just saying it to comfort me.

But somehow that sentence brought back my motivation lol.